Isa’s Ba-Log

01 May 2006; 9:19a

Back in Manila safely following a five-night stay in Cagayan de Oro City in Mindanao. It was, surprisingly, a very productive trip. I was able to visit two farms, and managed to line up some potential features (at least four).

The plane ride going to CDO via Cebu Pacific was good, quite uneventful. In my last post, I mentioned that I was hesitant to take it for some illogical, silly reason. Anyway, the plane we flew in was a relatively new one, an Airbus 319. Not huge, but it was ok. The trip home was relatively uneventful until the last 15 minutes or so when we descending toward Manila. My left ear got so stuffed, it took a beating. No amount of yawning and swallowing helped. It hurt so much while the plane was on its descent, and up to now, it’s still clogged up. So now, I’m having trouble hearing from my left ear. I hope this isn’t permanent, being that I’m already partly deaf.

03 May 2006, 11:26a

Took a longer break than I intended to when I first wrote this entry. Apart from the fact that I wasn’t feeling well when I stopped the last time, the heat was also unbearable, as it is now. Weather.com has the current temperature in Manila at 93°F (roughly 34°C), but they also point out that it feels like its 102°F (roughly 39°C). Sitting here in my room, it feels even much more than that. I took a shower just a few minutes ago and now I’m sitting here with beads of sweat forming on my face, arms, etc. We’ve got two fans on in the room, but they’re almost no use; even the air they circulate is hot. I’d turn on the airconditioner, but that will jack up our electricity bill to the high heavens. So suffer I must.

Unfortunately, I can’t work. I’m supposed to be editing something for work, but I can’t think properly because I’m pissed that it’s hot. I wish I could just stay under the shower, but no go. What I’d give to have a dip in a nice, cool, shaded river right now. Even an open public pool will do, so long as I’m in water. But that is no go too.

So I sit here, writing this blog entry, complaining of the heat, feeling guilty that I’m not getting any work done. Friend of mine just asked me if I want to have lunch out, but I’m broke. She’s been buying the past few times we’ve gone out so I don’t want to burden her again. I want to think properly, but all I keep thinking about right now is how hot it is (I’m sure you’ve got the idea).

Ben is here with me, sweating like heck as well. Too bad too because sometimes he gets rashes when he sweats. He isn’t complaining though. He’s happily playing on the floor, not mindful of the heat. I should take a page from him.

20 April 2006, 6:02p

I just finished booking a flight online. I’ve got a trip to Cagayan de Oro next week. Am flying out on the 25th and heading back to Manila on the 30th. So, am in for another bout with the air. I’ve never been comfortable flying (despite the fact that I’ve been up there many times), especially when I’m travelling alone. And now, I’m going to take Cebu Pacific for the first time. I don’t know why I have this illogical aversion to take that airline. Probably because not only do I not like taking planes, I am particularly terrified of flying in small planes. But I’ve been told to rest assured: Cebu Pacific is flying Airbuses to CDO. Besides the fares a bit cheaper than PAL, and it’s more convenient too because I don’t need to go to any ticketing office like I have to do when I go PAL. And many of my close friends have taken it, and have good things to say, so I might as well.

Some time ago, one of the editors for the magazines I write for said that I shouldn’t worry myself needlessly when travelling. After all, if it is your time to go, it doesn’t really matter where you are or what you’re doing, does it? Still, I just can’t help thinking about morbid things when I’m up on the air. I can’t even sleep. I remember my very first plane trip way back when I first went to the States. I don’t exactly know how long that trip took (between 17-20 hours I think), but the only sleep (more like naps) I got was in the airports, never in the plane. When Jenny and I went to Sydney six years ago, I didn’t get even just a minute of shuteye during the entire trip, preferring instead to wonder when we’ll get some sort of turbulence. I try not to do that by doing other things, like reading for instance, but nothing helps. The thoughts just keep coming and coming. Anyone with a cure, please let me know.

That said, I’m now just a few days away from visiting the CDO again. It’s been at least five years since I last visited, so I’m sure I’m going to see new things. I like CDO, and when I was there I also went to Malaybalay in Bukidnon. Very, very nice place.

I just wish I could take Ben with me. That of course, will not be possible. Well, possible, but not likely because I won’t be able to get any work done with him around. I’ll miss him terribly, the way I always do when I go out of town on trips. It’s probably going to be like this for a long time. When he’s older, I’ll take him with me.

02 April 2006, 9:40p

My cousin Marita passed away today in Minneapolis. She was 34 years old.

She had been in the hospital for over two months, waiting for a liver and kidney transplant. There was a time when there was a liver that matched her. Unfortunately, it was too big. This morning (night of the 1st in Minneapolis), she finally had a liver and a kidney that matched her and was the right size for her. The liver was already transplanted and was working, when apparently, her blood pressure dropped and she went into cardiac arrest. They weren’t able to revive her, and now she’s gone.

It’s very hard to accept. Marita, my giggly cousin, is gone. She is one of the nicest, kindest, most generous, most loving person I know. It’s been ten years since I last saw her, when she paid a visit to the Philippines. Between then and today, what little communication we had was mostly through email. Infrequent emails notwithstanding, I’ve never grown apart from her.

In a way, we grew up together. I spent seven years in the States in the 80’s, and we (Marita, her sister Mira, our cousin Yasmin, and I) were the best of friends. Oh sure, we had our moments of misunderstanding and fights, but on the whole, we were the greatest friends. When I left the US for good, I knew our times together were among the things I would miss most, and I did. I do, even now.

Marita was, and will always be, special. She wasn’t even a teenager when she had to have a kidney transplant. Nevertheless, she lived a full life, and I like to think that she lived the way she wanted to. She never seemed to limit herself. She travelled a lot, and learned new things. I think she liked the challenge.

I feel a deep sense of loss, but I know her parents and her sister feel much more. I wish I could offer them more help than just some words of comfort. But what can you really say to comfort those who have lost someone dear. It’s hard enough to do that for myself. I look at Marita’s picture, and it still is hard to believe that she’s gone. I know that time will eventually ease the pain of losing her, I only wish we didn’t have to feel that pain so soon.

I console myself with the thought that she is in a better place now, at peace, much happier than she would be here. Still, I would have liked much more to have her with us. But like my friend said, God has called her home, and it’s time to let her go. I just wish letting go wasn’t so hard to do.